Tuesday, November 17, 2009

And Peter King is an idiot too...



Everything that needs to be said about the Colts-Pats game has already been said. Believe me, nothing I am going to say here is going to be any magical revelation that is going to shatter your mind about that ball crunching loss. It sucks, and for many no matter what I say is going to be any consolation for a game we should have won. But what I can say is this, losing one regular season game to the Colts is not as bad as it seems. True, home field advantage is pretty much lost, and true the Patriots and Belichick hate brigade are all wiping the semen off their keyboards after their two day jerk off fest, but there is still hope. I was talking to SmartyBarrett yesterday and we both felt that Belichick made the right move, and no matter what Dan Shaughnessy says, he is wrong (entitled Belichick's Gaffe Unrivale):

"This was as bad as anything the Red Sox ever did. Had it been a playoff game, it would be right up there with Bucky Dent, Bill Buckner, Aaron Boone, and History Derailed in Glendale, Ariz."

That's a little bit dramatic don't you think? Hey CHB, every incident you mentioned was a playoff or championship game. THIS WAS A FUCKING REGULAR SEASON GAME. Take a deep breath your curly haired disgrace to our city, because in the grand scheme of things we are still in contention for a first round bye, and we could still have home field advantage against everyone, except the Colts. But you know what? WHO CARES! We almost beat the Colts, at home, without Ty Warren, Jarvis Green, Tully Banta Cain, and straddled with retarded ball droppy Lawrence Maroney and we still ALMOST WON. Bring on the Colts in the playoffs, the Patriots will beat them.

But for others out there, this is just another schaundefreude-ingly fun laugh at "that angry old coot's" failures. For instance, talking dunderhead and blog favorite Jay Mariotti had this to say:

"Welcome to Bill Belichick's comeuppance, a wonderful day for anyone who has thought of him as a cheater and a boor. The hoodie had his initials, "BB," emblazoned on the front of his outer wear. Not since Bill Buckner has a "BB" in Boston sports blundered worse. Staring straight ahead and speaking in his trademark monotone, he took questions and didn't seem to regret what he had done, even though the Patriots are 6-3 and effectively four games behind the 9-0 Colts for playoff positioning in a rivalry where the home field means plenty."


I love the completely irrelevant shots at Belichick, childish-ly calling him names like "monotone" and "boor" (which he is but still). Why so angry Jay? Are you happy to see Belichick fail because he declined to give you a comment for your internet column, or because you caught him sleeping with your wife? And hubris for Spygate? Wasn't that the 2007 Super Bowl? Go to hell Jay. You are just bitter that you live in Chicago and have to live Jay Cutler's sucktastic ass for the next ten years. You know the quarterback that is like a less talented, pancreas devoid Brett Favre. Shoudn't you be bitching and moaning about Cutler throwing 5 interceptions against the fucking 49ers? Enjoy watching the Cubs and White Sox suck balls again next year.


All I am saying Patriots fans, is get off your ledges, put away the bottle of Jack Daniels that has been easing your pain, and get the hell off Belichick's back. Stats already show that he made the best move, and we all know that if Faulk moved the ball two more inches, we would all be lauding how great and gutsy our coach is. We took a 9-0 team down to the final minute the 12th round and almost won, nothing to be depressed and ashamed about. And for the love of god, stop listening to what WEEI, Boston Dirt Dogs, and the reactionary media says. Personally, I still think the Pats are going to finish 12-4 or 13-3 and get that first round, bye. Brady looks as strong as he did in 2007, our defense is solid and we still have the best coach in football. And remember, keep that chip on your shoulder Mass Hysterians, because this is what most of the blog world thinks of you:

"YOU GAWT LUCKY! BELICHICK SHOULD HAVE BEEN REWAHHHDED FAR HIS BAWLLS! HE’S SETTING YOU UP FAR THE NEXT GAME! WE WERE-AH THAH BETTAH TEAM! BAD SPAWT! BAD SPAWT! NO ONE DENIES THIS! I SECRETLY SAW THIS COMING! DON’T YOU SEE? BELICHICK IS KEITH HERNANDEZ! HE’S THAT COOL! THREE RINGS! WE STILL HAVE THREE RINGS AND YOU DO NAWT!"

Hardy har har KSK. So fucking witty, go run through a goddamn brick wall.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Patriots @ Colts, November 15, 2009 *LIVE BLOG*

Afternoon Checklist


Smarty Barrett's Afternoon Checklist:

1. Order a shit-ton of wings √
2. Stock the fridge with beer √
3. Make a crazy crock pot concoction that'll be ready for game-time √
4. Have a fantasy team where the bench is out-scoring the starters √
5. Live-Blog the Pats/Colts game


YOUR Afternoon Checklist:

1. Order a shit-ton of wings √
2. Stock the fridge with beer √
3. Make a crazy crock pot concoction that'll be ready for game-time √
4. Make fun of Smarty Barrett's fantasy team √
5. Come back to Mass Hysteria at 8:00 for the Pats/Colts Live-Blog

That's right, kids. Myself, HZMLS, and whomever else wants to join in will be Live-Blogging the action tonight. So y'all need to get FIRED UP! As fired up as this guy:

Wu Tang Eat Your Heart Out


As both a fan of sports and rap music, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to pass along this little gem. They got rhythm? Check. They have ridonkulous mullets? Check. Is the sound quality terrible? Check. Enjoy.

h/t: Sportsbybrooks

A Schedule of Afternoon Activities for Joey Porter


With Porter's abrupt change of plans we at Mass Hysteria have a list of suggestions to keep his mind busy. Enjoy your day off!

Channel 4: The Wedding Singer
Channel 5: QVC's Gifts from David's Kitchen
Channel 11: Degrassi the Next Generation (come on Joey we know you love the HS drama)
Channel 18: Dancing Superstars Where are they Now
Channel 26: Chef Todd English
Channel 34: Bowling (Time for a career change?)
Channel 43: The Shaggy Dog (a movie about as entertaining as your sack dances)
Channel 46: The Scorpion King
Channel 52: Looney Tunes

Saturday, November 14, 2009

It's On


I was perusing my Google Reader this morning, and I visited my favorite Yankees site "River Ave Blues", which is a fantastic blog.. Well recently Nike came out with an advertisement for the Yankees celebrating their World Series Championship, and I have to admit it was kinda cool, it showed off the great aspects of NYC and whatnot. Well their reader Stephen came up with this ingenius dig at Boston in general. I have a few general observations about this HILARIOUS OH MY GOD I AM FALLING DOWN I CANT STOP LAUGHING photoshop.

1. It's the Big Dig you fucking idiot, not the "Boston Tunnel". If you bothered to google "boston highway construction biggest waste of money" it should have been your first result. And it collapsed once.

2. Pink hats? Ok, I know Raquel has gone over this a million times, but jesus christ. I went to college with enough Yankee fan broads that had no fucking clue who played for the Yankees in the '50s or could name anyone out of the Yankees bullpen who wasn't named Mariano Rivera. And while watching the World Series it was nice to see that you have you have enough douchebag celebrity fans (i.e Kate Hudson, Alicia Keys, Billy Crystal) to balance out our Ben Afflecks and Kevin James.

3. Ok I will concede that Jay Z is about thirty times the artist that the Dropkick Murphys are. I hate them....a lot.

4. JD Drew was the least of our problems, and if you actually watched a Red Sox game in your fucking miserable life you would have seen that. Drew shows up every post season for the Sox, producing every year, which according to every Yankees fan I have ever talked to is all that matters. My god how many times did I hear that Paul O'Neil and Scott Brosius were so awesome because of their October numbers. And by the way, how did Nick Swisher, your RF perform in the postseason?

5. How dare you steal my nickname for David Ortiz? I have copyrights on Big Popup, Big Slumpi, Big Waste-of-line-up Spot, Big Wasteline. Give him a break bro, he had to change his um, "work out" routine.

6. "When the Subway is packed with Drunk Italian Assholes" there we go, fixed it to apply to NYC.

7. Yeah Yeah Yeah you have your 27th World Championship, and you deserved it. But because I am a bitter asshole, I still have this: